Legion

The Way of the Monk

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Okay so being primarily a Shaman/Warlock player, you might think I am unqualified to be talking about what it means to be a Monk, but let me tell you, everyone refers to me as Grandmaster Lunchi, I’m wearing the clothes of a Grandmaster, and that wouldn’t be the case if I wasn’t a position of authority within the bigass turtle we all ride upon.

LOOK. SEE? Says it right there. Grandmaster.

So, given that I am the undisputed GRANDMASTER LUNCHI, isn’t it my duty to impart my wondrous wisdom upon you? To teach you the WAY OF THE MONK? Yes, I thought so, let’s begin.

  • Roll everywhere. There’s a talent that lets you Roll more. Use it. There’s a brew that makes Roll have no cooldown for an hour. Use that liberally. Travel at the speed of Roll.
  • Be careful when near cliff edges, especially if you are not a pandaren. Other races are not as Bouncy as us, and therefore cannot take the fall.
Sometimes even pandaren struggle if you fall off a cliff high enough.
  • Kick. Punch. It’s all in the mind. If you wanna test me, I’m sure you’ll find that the things I’ll teach ya is sure to beat ya, but nevertheless, you’ll get a lesson from teacher, now KICK.
KICK
KICK
  • It’s important to drink heavily when a monk. Whether it’s MAGICAL TEA that focuses your mind, deeply alcoholic brews that allow you to breathe fire or shrug off hits, or energy drinks to reinvigorate you, pick your poison and become one with it!
  • You know how they say “never work with animals or children”? Ignore that, you have a cat, bird or ox to befriend.
Yes, I blew a 3 minute cooldown just to get this picture. Twice.
  • JAB JAB UPLIFT oh wait that’s not a thing anymore.
  • Utilising your zoning abilities (hadoken, long-ranged normals et al) is very important in controlling the horizontal playfield. A common tactic is to throw a fireball, then use a shoryuken if the opponent jumps over it towards you. Experienced players may well bait the shoryuken followup out of you, leading to a massive punish combo if mistimed.
TENMA GOZANKU!
  • Try to remember some of the basics of CQC.
  • Flying Serpent Kick, if walking upon the wind is more your style, can be an even better launcher than mere rolling or Chi Torpedoing. Skim atop the surface of water! Rush towards your enemies at lightning speed! Plummet to your death off a cliff yet AGAIN!
  • Never use Roll, Chi Torpedo or Flying Serpent Kick when you’re on the Spine of Deathwing. Probably best to not use it where there’s Instant Death Water™ either, such as during the Krosus fight, or Gorefiend.
  • Expecting to need an expeditious retreat? Transcend space and time by mere meditation!
That basically means “you have a Demonic Circle-esque ability, fuckin’ use it”

There are, of course, many more aspects to the Way of the Monk, but I think that is all a beginner like you needs to handle for now.

And yes, this was an excuse to show off what Lunchi looks like. Seriously, that Grandmaster armour set (from the class hall) is bloody amazing-looking, and several of the Sheilun appearances look STUNNING with it.

THE BIGGEST PROBLEMS WITH LEGION

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Like, for real talk here, there’s some issues with Legion that I cannot get over until they are sorted out. SCATHING CRITICISMS. For instance:

FUMIGATION

Love is in the Air has the Vile Fumigator’s Mask, the most amazing piece of headgear in the game, yet it’s not a transmoggable item! MAKE IT COSMETIC! I want to run around in skimpy clothes and a motherfuckin’ gas mask, yo. Well, without hurting my stats anyway.

fumi

Maybe take away those tanks on the back too? Make a new item that’s the mask without the tanks, make it cosmetic so EVERY character can use it, and make me everyone happy!

KARGATH

Like seriously you need to drop the Bladefist NOW. I’m sick of visiting you every week.

bradufistu
The closest I’ve come is ctrl clicking it from the dungeon journal to open the dressing room

PANDAS

Unless you play a Monk, there’s a criminal shortage of pandaren. Huge amounts of humans or orcs, because of course there are, but where are my darling pandas?! Or gnomes for that matter. I would have said tauren too, but we have a whole zone of antlered tauren so they got it pretty sweet.

DEMON HUNTERS

This is mainly my problem as I have a frightening tendency to launch myself off cliffs with my monk. Give me a class that moves while attacking? Yeah I’m dead in a second. I’ll be swimming on Krosus for sure.

RUST IN PIECES
RUST IN PISCES

XE’RA

I’M
GONNA SWING
FROM THE CHANDELIER
FROM THE CHANDELIER

and hopefully it’ll fall to the ground and stop bothering me about Illidan, goodness me.

xera

Things You Do That Annoy Me, A Novice Monk Healer

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Hello, it’s me, Panda Steve, and recently I’ve been messing around with Lunchi. In particular, I’ve made her a healer now, because Mistweaver is very fun, and also because I can.

mweave

Here she is throwing out those hadokens or whatever.

Now, I’m a fairly novice healer, but I’ve been noticing some key areas where DPS and tanks can improve their play, because who better to give you advice on staying alive than the person keeping you alive?

I’m not just saying this to make my life easier. Honest.

(yes I’ve done a moaning novice healer post before, shut up I can do it again if I want)

  • In Halls of Valor, there’s lots of enemies that make lightning. You might want to NOT STAND IN THE LIGHTNING. Whether they’re tornadoes, or dragon breaths, or those lines of Crackle, just go away from them please.
  • Similarly, when fighting Fenryr, he may leap at you. Try not to be near other people or he puts the bleed on all of you and that’s just really annoying.
  • SPEAKING OF FENRYR! Please run away when he’s fixating on you, don’t just let him rip your face off.
  • SPEAKING OF (the trash before) FENRYR! Please don’t pick up ALL the wolves. They love to leap around and smack me random people, and they really can’t take too many of those before it’s unhealable.
  • Hide behind that BIG GLOWY SHIELD whenever Skovald does Ragnarok. I mean, you DO know what Ragnarok means, right?
  • Pull Hyrja to one side. Mein gott.
  • Don’t kill both the adds when facing Parjesh. You need to hide behind one of them so they get speared!
  • DON’T HIDE BEHIND ME WHEN HE’S THROWING SPEARS AT YOU.
  • Pop. The bloody. Bubble. On Deepbeard.
  • Ordinarily I’d moan about tanks running off way ahead, but shit I’m a monk, I’ve got movement for days.
  • Please use your mitigation. I assume it’s on your bars?
  • I’m questing as Windwalker, primarily because I kill things marginally quicker. When we enter a dungeon and I say “just changing spec, gimme a sec!” (I have that shit macroed), give me a sec. I need to drink for mana. If you’re skipping off merrily to engage enemies without your healer present, I hope you’ve got a Druid healthpool.

lunlun

I’m not a good healer, but I’m getting better. Healing’s just a side project for me, something fun to pass the time, but boy oh boy does it ever do that.

I Never Signed Up For This

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grumpy

Sure, when I joined the Alliance I was excited to join the Stormwind Guard, but for some reason here I am now as some sort of commander. I led an army in another dimension or something, and now my fellow Shaman are calling me the Farseer, and I’m helping some weirdo stop an invasion of demons while stationed in a floating city.

khaddo

Aforementioned weirdo has a habit of popping up in the most irritating of places. I think he was trying to look in my storage boxes, see if there’s any magic paraphernalia he can purloin or something, but he made up some junk story about “oh I need to see you about some chandelier with an odd fixation on Malfurion’s brother” and I don’t believe him for a SECOND.

Life was simpler on the turtle.

prac

I suppose there’s a bright side. I’ve learned some practical skills, like how to mix potions then subsequently sell them at a high mark up, how to fish and cook, how to summon small volcanoes beneath the feet of my opponents, you know, the usual stuff you need to get by. Every time I go near Things of the Past, some elf lady in there keeps trying to get me to learn Archaeology, but who has time for that? I apparently have a world to save for some reason.

Sliding Away

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For the last six years, I’ve been playing my Warlock. I’ve raided on her, I’ve farmed transmog on her, soloed bosses I couldn’t on other characters, devoted a lot of time and attention to her and her development. I’ve summoned, I’ve given glowy green cookies, I’ve thrown bolts of pure chaos at my foes and summoned legions of demons to do my bidding.

But now?

Sure I’m still playing as Shokei, the Warlock formerly known as Raenah. She’s still my main, ostensibly. She’s the character I raid on, with my highest /played and the best, shinest gear, but…

Recently Yopaat has taken over more of my time. For all I said I was going to just level the Warlock, Rogue and Monk, and here I am with a Warlock I don’t have fun on any more, a Warrior I barely log into, and a Shaman that’s simply enlightening to play, whether Elemental OR Enhancement.

There’s issues afoot with the Warlock class. They’ve been acknowledged as such by Ol’ Mister Hazzithingybob, but due to a lack of ideas and ways to implement changes, we’re just gonna have to suffer with them until 7.2 at the EARLIEST, and who knows when that will be? Given that it’s going to be a major patch with a raid in the Tomb of Sargeras, and I doubt they’d want to make the Nighthold a short-lived raid, then we’re looking at five to six months where there’s a class that just feels busted to play. How so?

Affliction

Affliction’s problem is, on the face of it, relatively simple. It’s one of the worst specs for single target, but arguably the best for mass AoE. You can’t buff the DoTs too much or they make the AoE and cleave utterly eclipse any other spec in the game. Soul Effigy is a concept that Mages bitched about for the entirety of Warlords of Draenor (Prismatic Crystal) and almost universally approved its removal in Legion, so why not give that awful talent to Warlocks instead? And make it so that it’s the only way Affliction can do respectable single target DPS, and utterly frustrating on fights where enemies move around a lot (Cenarius, Ursoc).

Not only that, but you get the feeling that two of Ulthalesh’s golden traits are just out of place. Back in the beta, your weapon would occasionally release souls that you can kill that would end up triggering your golden traits (the first makes a powerful explosion around enemies you kill, the second increases DoT damage by 2% for 20 seconds, stacking 5 times). These two golden traits are utterly useless on fights where you have no adds to damage (Nythendra, Ursoc) or fights where adds die too quickly for you to even fire off a DoT at them (Elerethe, sometimes Dragons, depending on which ones you get and raid setup). Not only that, the Reap Souls ability on single target stacks up terribly slowly, roughly 3-4 per minute (givng you 15-20 seconds of buff time), whereas when you have adds to kill (Il’gynoth, Dragons, Cenarius, Xavius, Elerethe if your team doesn’t AoE the spiders down immediately) they stack REALLY quickly, and on certain fights (Ilgy and Cenarius), it’s possible to have the Reap Souls buff up the entire fight.

Demonology

The spec I’ve been using most, the one I’m least disillusioned with.

You don’t feel like a mighty conjurer of demons when all you’re doing is throwing small amounts of imps and demon dogs at a target. Demonic Empowerment feels annoying to have to use after EVERY summon; make it a maintenance buff on YOU that makes every demon you summon/have summoned have the usual DE effect, have it give you an aura of power that empowers your demons or whatever you need to do to explain it.

Utterly crippled by movement, Demonology can pump out some ridiculous numbers but the second you have to move? You’re not generating shards, you’re not summoning demons, you’re not empowering them, you’re losing all the DPS forever and you’re not catching back up. Demonwrath tickles, especially on one target, and Doom, once applied, doesn’t need to be recast for, like, EVER. You may be generating shards with Demonwrath, but if you’re moving, you sure as shit can’t spend them.

Destruction

Admittedly I’ve left Destruction twisting in the wind this expansion, so maybe I’m not best placed to comment on it, but hang on? I spent nearly 5 years as Destruction, from the last patch of Cataclysm up to the first of Legion, so what went wrong? What made me drop the spec I loved, stuck with through the Great Pandarian Revamp and loved even more?

Soul Shards.

Burning Embers were the perfect resource. It just made the spec flow properly. They generated at, seemingly, the perfect speed, and you spent them at the perfect speed too. The shift to Shards made the spec, ugh, clunky at best. Chaos Bolt, that fantastic nuke we all knew and loved, doesn’t feel like it hits very hard at all anymore, especially for the cast time it has. Another spec crippled by the slightest movement, but whereas Demonology shines in single target and has passable cleave/AoE, Destruction shines in cleave. Trouble is, if you can’t cleave, Destruction’s a waste of time, thanks to its single target numbers being so damn low.

There was going to be a moan about the current talent setup where you have to choose between doing passable single target or passable AoE and nothing in-between when other classes/specs don’t HAVE to make that decision and can do both and MORE! with just a cookie cutter build, but thanks to a rejiggling of the talents, that’s not as much of a problem in 7.1.5 anymore. Huzzah.

I think my main issue though was that it just doesn’t feel FUN any more, but I can’t put my finger on specifically WHY and that really annoys me. It’s not purely the numbers, as I was still using it when it was the worst Warlock spec (pre-SoO days!) and enjoying myself. There’s just something missing from it and my inability to specify what is a frustration.

General Warlock Stuff

  • Healthstones feel junky compared to potions
  • While having specific demons be better for specific specs is great for class fantasy!!! it makes for a boring time. I don’t do PvP so my Succubus sees absolutely no sunlight any more, and while I could just summon her regardless, I feel bad that I am gimping my numbers just to satisfy her wanting to see some scenery.
  • Make Mortal Coil trigger the healing again, even if the target isn’t affected by the horror. It’d make for a nice “oh shit!” cooldown and provide an actual CHOICE on that talent tier, otherwise everyone’s just gonna take Circle forever.
  • Speaking of that talent row, Shadowfury having a cast time kinda sucks. Things move!
  • I want my Wrathguard back.
  • That’s probably it.

It was light outside when I started writing this and now I’m sitting in the dark. Here’s Yopaat. Bye.

wowscrnshot_122716_125230

Panda Steve’s Quick & Dirty LFR Guide: RIFT OF ALN

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Well fancy that, Xavius gets his own wing of LFR all to himself. Good for him.

Guides for the first wing and second wing found here and here.

XAVIUS

wowscrnshot_101916_231902

Horny tentacle goat.

  • 3 phase fight. You have a Corruption bar that adds mechanics to the fight the more full it is. At 33%, avoid giant circles on the ground. At 66%, avoid small ones too. At 100% you deal 150% more damage/healing for 20 seconds, then you become mind controlled.
  • When Xavius hits 95% health, Ysera puts half the raid to sleep. At 60%, the other half sleep. When asleep, you are affected with Dream Simulacrum. When this debuff is removed (either after 3 minutes, on death, or when mind controlled) your Corruption is reduced to 0 and you awaken from the dream to continue the fight as normal, with all your cooldowns reset.
  • There is a tank swap mechanic. At three stacks of Darkening Soul or Blackening Soul, you need to tankswap and move out of the raid. Healers then dispel you.
  • Phase one: Two players will be affected by Nightmare Blades which run in a straight line between them. Move yourselves so that it doesn’t hit anyone else. Kill the huge Corruption Horror add asap. If fixated by a Lurking Terror, run away from it if not dreaming. If you ARE dreaming, make sure you touch it before anyone else.
  • Phase two: Stack for Corruption Meteor so the damage and Corruption gain is split. A number of Inconceivable Horrors spawn at the side of the room. Kill them before they reach Xavius, and dreaming people soak the pools they leave.
  • Phase 3, Nightmare Blades and Corruption Meteor are still a thing. Tentacles spawn when he casts Writhing Deep; frankly you can ignore these and just focus on Xavius. Hero/lust here to end this as fast as possible.

Panda Steve’s Quick & Dirty LFR Guide: TORMENTED GUARDIANS

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Another wing of LFR came out apparently, I was expecting it to release in this coming reset, so better late than never here’s a quick guide to killing everything here!

Part one, Darkbough, is located here.

URSOC

ursoc

I can BEARly believe it.

  • Split into two groups. One group stands to his side, the other group stands in front of him.
  • If you get targeted by Focused Gaze, move behind the group that is in front of him. He will charge to that player and do a Barreling Impact which deals a large amount of damage, but this damage is reduced based on how many players he runs through to get to his target.
  • The soaking players get a debuff called Momentum on them. They’re knocked back and take 300% increased damage if they soak another charge, so when he’s finished charging, the two groups need to swap places.
  • Tanks swap immediately after every cast of Overwhelm and Rend Flesh. At 30% health Ursoc will enrage (Blood Frenzy), dealing more damage and attacking faster. Heroism/Bloodust here.
  • No, that’s it. Really.

DRAGONS OF NIGHTMARE

ysondre

Dragons dragons everywhere and not a drop to… drink?

  • 4 dragons, shared health pool, but you only ever face two at a time. One is always Ysondre.
  • Split the raid into two groups again, and each goes to one side of the room. The dragons will radiate an aura that smacks a DoT (Mark of Ysondre/Emeriss/Taerar/Lethon) on everyone within 45 yards of it that deals increasing shadow damage and puts you to sleep when it reaches 10 stacks. It applies a stack every 10 seconds, and takes 35 seconds to drop off.
  • The idea is, the tanks swap dragons when they reach about 7 stacks of the Mark, and drag the new dragon over their end of the room. DPS DO NOT FOLLOW THEM or you’ll keep taking stacks and be CC’d for a long time.
  • If you’re ranged and feeling fancy, you can try and plonk yourself in the middle in range of one dragon, and duck in and out of range of the other dragon every so often to multidot. Be wary when doing this though.
  • Tanks, don’t point Corrupted Breath at people. Everyone else, this is a typical Dragon fight so stand to the side of it.
  • Ysondre periodically fires Nightmare Blast at a player’s location. This deals damage to players standing in the mark, knocks them back, and spawns a flower. STAND IN THE FLOWER, otherwise it spawns adds every 3 seconds. Only one person soaks the flower.
  • Healers, dispel the player affected by Defiled Vines. DPS, when dispelled, run out of the Call Defiled Spirit void zone.
  • Taerar summons copies of himself and spawns Seeping Fog that float around and put players to sleep. Avoid fog, kill dragons.
  • Lethon summons adds that spawn out of players near Ysondre. They will float toward Lethon, and if they reach him, they heal BOTH DRAGONS. This is annoying as they share a health pool but get healed twice. Kill these adds and avoid Gloom void zones.
  • Emeriss summons two adds that need to be killed very quickly. Interrupt their Corruption casts. They can also be stunned. If affected by Volatile Infection, move away from other players.

CENARIUS

cenarius

The hills are alive with the sound of moose-ic.

  • When he casts Forces of Nightmare adds will spawn. You can purify one of these adds by standing next to them as Cenarius channels. Generally, you want to purify Wisps. If none are present, go for the Nightmare Ancient.
  • When Malfurion cleanses the add, he also summons a large patch of Cleansed Ground which cleanses a debuff that is constantly stacking throughout the fight. Don’t linger too long in this patch of ground as it shrinks when used. Try to cleanse your stacks when they hit around 30. Purifying the Wisps will spawn more small patches to aid you in stack cleansing. If you always purify the Wisps, you won’t have to deal with their annoying mechanic too.
  • Adds always take priority. Interrupt the Twisted Sisters’ cast of Twisted Touch of Life, or dispel it immediately if they actually get a cast off, as this will heal Cenarius quite a large amount. Move away from people if you have Scorned Touch on you.
  • Rotten Drakes are the next priority, and need to be pointed away from people as they have a breath attack. When they reach 50% health they pulse a powerful AoE, so KILL IT QUICK.
  • Nightmare Ancients periodically do a stomp attack that needs to be soaked by several players. If nobody is in range, then the attack hits the WHOLE RAID.
  • These adds must be tanked far away from Cenarius (at least 20 yards apart) or they start reflecting 50% of damage dealt to them.
  • If you are fixated on by Nightmare Brambles (and you need to pay attention to this as it seems to be untrackable by bossmods) then kite them away from people and to the edges of the room. Rogues and Hunters can run through the bramble patches with Cloak of Shadows/Aspect of the Turtle active to clear them.
  • When Cenarius hits 30% health, he stops summoning adds and the raid should DPS him hard. Pop Hero/Lust here, and feel free to ignore Malfurion if he gets trapped. Nightmare Brambles are still active, so whoever is fixated needs to be mindful, and don’t forget to reset your stacks if they are too high.
  • Tanks swap after every cast of Spear of Nightmares. The more damage this ability does, the larger the void zone it spawns, so pop defensive cooldowns before he casts it. Healers may need to step in with their own damage-reducing cooldowns if the tanks run out.  The idea is to kill Cenarius before you run out of space and die.

Just one boss to go and he gets his own wing for some reason. Xavius comes… and he’s actually easier than Cenarius, fnar.