World of Warcraft
I haven’t done a list of things in a while, so here we go. NOTE, some things may not be entirely serious.
- Red Mage-esque hats for clothies.
- Also, let us have some neck items that actually show up on characters! Not just necklaces either, but things like ruffs! Ascots!
- Player housing for the love of god.
- PANDAREN WARLOCKS.
- Shit just make Pandaren be every class, that way I can race change everything and finally be happy.
- Odyn-shaped training dummies, because MAN I’d love to beat that guy up on a regular basis without having to traipse through the Halls of Valor for 6 years.
- Wrathion. More dragonbro please.
- Hunter healing spec where they shoot bandages and medicine at people.
- Warrior healing spec where they charge/heroic leap around and shout at people to make them feel better. Every ability has a yelled emote like “PAIN IS JUST WEAKNESS LEAVING THE BODY!” and whatnot.
- Tentacle mount. Slither slither.
- Old God mount. Like, I want a miniature Old God to fly around on.
- Val’kyr mount. We helped Eyir out a few times, have her be all “strap a saddle on me and let’s fly away together!”
- That mask above as a permanent transmog item. Preferably without the tanks on the back too.
- Khadgar-shaped training dummies.
- Affliction Warlock combat animations. ’cause aside from Drain Life, what is there to look at? Everyone knows the bigger the firework show, the more damage you do!
- A proper, in-game capital city for gnomes. Let them have Gnomeregan finally, or maybe even let them build some new steampunk-esque city somewhere!
- I would say let Worgen have Gilneas back too but I don’t care enough.
- Playable ethereals!
- 80’s hairstyles. Think Bonnie Tyler or Kim Wilde.
So, the sooner Blizzard start working on this stuff, the better as far as I am concerned, darlings.
Yes, it’s me, it’s your boy Panda Steve and today I’m going to give you really amazing advice on how to survive that hellscape we call
Argos wait, we’re not talking about the catalogue shop?
1) Be A Warlock/Hunter With A Pet/Tank
Yeah, seriously. Mages can kite stuff, but everything’s so tightly packed together you’ll end up backing away from demon motherfuckers right into OTHER demon motherfuckers, or fuckin’ fel lava, or off a small cliff into a crevasse you can’t jump out of, or just off the planet completely (THANKS MAC’AREE).
That’s seriously all the advice I have for you. That place is ruddy brutal on everything I’ve played, bar my Warlock. Being a tanky clothy helps, moreso though having Arakzekeel tank everything with that gormless face of his.
Those invasion portals? Those are quite fun. I’ve done a good number of those, hoovered up the AP rewards, sent the tokens to my alts, collected Argus Waystones which’ll be removed from the game come reset. That mushroom planet and the ice planet, though? They can fuck right off.
Mac’Aree doesn’t seem to want to spawn any world quests either. That seems to be a problem.
In Warlock-related news, I’ve fallen back in love with Demonology, thanks to a “meme build” that uses Shadowy Inspiration, Power Trip and Soul Conduit to generate/keep Soul Shards, and spam Demonic Empowerment/Instant Shadow Bolts to take maximum advantage of the new golden trait, Thal’kiel’s Ascendance.
Basically, you use Doom, Hand of Gul’dan and Summon Dreadstalkers as you normally would (when it’s about to drop, when you have 4 shards, and on cooldown respectively) but your filler becomes Demonic Empowerment (to fish for the proc, fish for a shard with Power Trip, and to proc Shadowy Inspiration) followed immediately by Shadow Bolt (made instant cast thanks to Shadowy Inspiration). I’ve seen a lot of people moan about this playstyle, but I find it immensely fun and rewarding, which means it’ll probably be nerfed before long. FUN IS NOT ALLOWED.
Oh, also did I mention?
BYE BYE FOREVER, ULDUAR.
While I’ve migrated back to the Warlock, thanks to Destruction actually becoming fun again, I’m spending more time at the moment on my alts, with Fuhai the Hunter getting her days in the spotlight right now.
Initially she was Beast Mastery (even acquiring the “best” DPS legendary for it), she’s since switched to Marksmanship because I’m finding the heavy hitting nature of it pretty cool right now (and whaddya know, I got the “best” DPS legendary for that spec too today, what a coincidence). This is a common theme for me; a lot of my alts started off as one spec (“this spec is the best and most fun!”) only for me to realise that actually, I prefer one or both of the others. Case in point, Huomofa, whose name in Chinese is 火魔法, which literally means FIRE MAGIC, started off as a Fire Mage, and is now a Frost Mage. Shokei the Demonology Warlock is now Shokei the Destruction Warlock. Muirisc the Arms Warrior is now all about that Fury.
It’s never a numbers thing. It’s always a playstyle thing.
8 down. 4 to go. Two of them with a considerable amount more to do. Maybe the Druid will be the next pet project? She’s a worgen, ’cause pandas can’t be Druids yet.
She’s also apparently wearing the same mog as my Hunter, which means one of them is going to have to go home and change.
This post is me taking part in Z & Cinder’s Blog Challenge 20: A Day in the Life of Your Toon because for fuck’s sake I need to blog more often
The Mighty Yopaat, Farseer of the Earthen Ring
Has quite a ring to it, doesn’t it? It makes you think of power and dignity and other assorted stuff like that, right? Well let me tell you, I sure don’t feel it right now.
I seem to spend my time dogsbodying for that lazy mage Khadgar, performing meaningless errands for the disparate groups that pepper the Broken Isles, or babysitting so-called “champions,” telling them where to go and what to do. It seems the Kirin Tor are more interested in playing games with barrels than fighting the legion.
Let’s take today. I went to Aszuna. I freed some of those morose demon hunters and killed their captors. I picked some weird fel flower. I extracted murloc eyes from their heads and stole a hydra’s egg. I killed a ghost, which is surely impossible as they’re already dead. Another ghost gave me a box with nothing of interest inside. Tomorrow I may well end up in Val’sharah doing other pointless errands.
Ah, but you’re not here to hear me complain about my lot in life, are you? Yes, I do try and relax sometimes.
I spend a lot of time in The Legerdemain Lounge. They do the nicest coffee on Azeroth, you know. A rich, dark Kun-Lai roast, none of this icy Highmountain rubbish. I enjoy the kick, it gives me the spark I need to make my own brews. Not coffee, mind, but potions. See, in my spare time I indulge in a bit of alchemy. I refuse to pay those scalpers at the auction house for herbs, mind, so I go and pick my own. I’ve got quite the knowledge of herbs now, though I still occasionally disintegrate Starlight Rose. Fat furry fingers, you know?
The alchemy shop being opposite Like Clockwork is an annoyance though. Explosions and robots fighting day in, day out. At least I’m able to make potions without Deucus’s supervision.
I still see Thrall occasionally. He likes to ask me if I’m taking good care of Doomhammer. Haven’t the heart to tell him it’s collecting dust in the care of some goblins, along with Sharas’dal. Sure, hitting things with a hammer is somewhat cathartic, but I don’t want to fall into that trap of “if all you have is a hammer, every problem looks like a nail.” I much prefer to keep my distance, less chance of being bludgeoned myself, you know?
I don’t tend to socialise much. My fellow shamans tend to be rather stuffy and constantly in a state of elemental reverence, which is fine and all but take a break sometime, yeah? Not that other groups are better. The warlocks freak me out, the mages and paladins are full of themselves, the death knights and demon hunters are too… you know? Just too. Too much. And the druids? Worse than shaman! That said I do have a few friends I see every so often. There’s a warlock that seems less weird than the others, there’s a pretty cute monk I see meditating in Dalaran occasionally, and I know a rogue that opens locked boxes for me, and in return I give her potions. She’s got a missing eye too. Maybe I’ll ask her story one day?
Maybe not. She seems like that might be a sore point for her.
My eye? Oh it’s silly, really. You don’t wanna know.
So, a week or two after everyone else because I’ve been having too much fun elsewhere (Persona 5 mainly, but also just not on the Broken Shore), I’ve finally unlocked flying in the Broken Isles. Not only that, but I’ve had somewhat of a windfall, loot-wise. Yopaat now has a 905 Whispers in the Dark, probably the most game changer-y trinket casters have access to right now, and my god it’s a beautiful thing. Just that trinket alone made my sim DPS jump by roughly 30-40k, which is insane. Add to that the shiny new hat he got, the shaman legendary Uncertain Reminder, and now all Heroism-style effects last 75% longer on him.
Whereas you get to play with 40 seconds of godly superspeed, I get a whopping 1 minute and 10 seconds! It also pairs up well in Restoration, as during Heroism, their healing is 25% stronger. Oh, if only I actually used Restoration anymore…
You see, my OTHER character also has some pretty strong stuff. Lunchi, who I’ve had ever since monks were a thing, and who has been Windwalker all that time, has opted for a career change to Mistweaver. I’ve mentioned it a couple of times before, but then it was just a “Panda Steve messes around as a healer for gits & shiggles” whereas now, she’s got (normal) raid completions under her belt, two really powerful legendaries ( trousers for fistweaving, which I ADORE as a playstyle, and the Velen trinket), and a trinket that drops cake. She also recently got her 4 set bonus, which makes my Vivify spam even more potent.
Now that I have unlocked flying though, I’m more keen to play around on other alts. Muirisc the warrior and Fujikomine the rogue have been taken out for a spin recently, and I’ve even played as Shokei the warlock. You remember, the class I played as the most for like 8 years? Who has a talent that I named this blog after? You know the one.
I may even bother to finish levelling Poundshopwig and Huomofa, my criminally neglected paladin and mage.
…but there’s world quests to do on literally EVERYBODY ELSE though!
Okay so being primarily a Shaman/Warlock player, you might think I am unqualified to be talking about what it means to be a Monk, but let me tell you, everyone refers to me as Grandmaster Lunchi, I’m wearing the clothes of a Grandmaster, and that wouldn’t be the case if I wasn’t a position of authority within the bigass turtle we all ride upon.
So, given that I am the undisputed GRANDMASTER LUNCHI, isn’t it my duty to impart my wondrous wisdom upon you? To teach you the WAY OF THE MONK? Yes, I thought so, let’s begin.
- Roll everywhere. There’s a talent that lets you Roll more. Use it. There’s a brew that makes Roll have no cooldown for an hour. Use that liberally. Travel at the speed of Roll.
- Be careful when near cliff edges, especially if you are not a pandaren. Other races are not as Bouncy as us, and therefore cannot take the fall.
- Kick. Punch. It’s all in the mind. If you wanna test me, I’m sure you’ll find that the things I’ll teach ya is sure to beat ya, but nevertheless, you’ll get a lesson from teacher, now KICK.
- It’s important to drink heavily when a monk. Whether it’s MAGICAL TEA that focuses your mind, deeply alcoholic brews that allow you to breathe fire or shrug off hits, or energy drinks to reinvigorate you, pick your poison and become one with it!
- You know how they say “never work with animals or children”? Ignore that, you have a cat, bird or ox to befriend.
JAB JAB UPLIFToh wait that’s not a thing anymore.
- Utilising your zoning abilities (hadoken, long-ranged normals et al) is very important in controlling the horizontal playfield. A common tactic is to throw a fireball, then use a shoryuken if the opponent jumps over it towards you. Experienced players may well bait the shoryuken followup out of you, leading to a massive punish combo if mistimed.
- Try to remember some of the basics of CQC.
- Flying Serpent Kick, if walking upon the wind is more your style, can be an even better launcher than mere rolling or Chi Torpedoing. Skim atop the surface of water! Rush towards your enemies at lightning speed! Plummet to your death off a cliff yet AGAIN!
- Never use Roll, Chi Torpedo or Flying Serpent Kick when you’re on the Spine of Deathwing. Probably best to not use it where there’s Instant Death Water™ either, such as during the Krosus fight, or Gorefiend.
- Expecting to need an expeditious retreat? Transcend space and time by mere meditation!
There are, of course, many more aspects to the Way of the Monk, but I think that is all a beginner like you needs to handle for now.
And yes, this was an excuse to show off what Lunchi looks like. Seriously, that Grandmaster armour set (from the class hall) is bloody amazing-looking, and several of the Sheilun appearances look STUNNING with it.
Like, for real talk here, there’s some issues with Legion that I cannot get over until they are sorted out. SCATHING CRITICISMS. For instance:
Love is in the Air has the Vile Fumigator’s Mask, the most amazing piece of headgear in the game, yet it’s not a transmoggable item! MAKE IT COSMETIC! I want to run around in skimpy clothes and a motherfuckin’ gas mask, yo. Well, without hurting my stats anyway.
Maybe take away those tanks on the back too? Make a new item that’s the mask without the tanks, make it cosmetic so EVERY character can use it, and make
me everyone happy!
Like seriously you need to drop the Bladefist NOW. I’m sick of visiting you every week.
Unless you play a Monk, there’s a criminal shortage of pandaren. Huge amounts of humans or orcs, because of course there are, but where are my darling pandas?! Or gnomes for that matter. I would have said tauren too, but we have a whole zone of antlered tauren so they got it pretty sweet.
This is mainly my problem as I have a frightening tendency to launch myself off cliffs with my monk. Give me a class that moves while attacking? Yeah I’m dead in a second. I’ll be swimming on Krosus for sure.
FROM THE CHANDELIER
FROM THE CHANDELIER
and hopefully it’ll fall to the ground and stop bothering me about Illidan, goodness me.