Panda Steve’s OFFICIAL Class Rankings

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LISTS. We always need more.

This is the official, unarguable ranking of each class in World of Warcraft, from worst to best. This has been scientifically calculated using no science whatsoever but if I put the word “official” in the title it makes it legit, right?

12: Demon Hunter

Fuck you Demon Hunters for stealing Metamorphosis, even though I wasn’t a fan of it in the first place and VASTLY prefer the sound of New Demonology.

illidan

Illidan’s a poser anyway. Sitting atop the Black Temple with Gul’dan’s skull? Probably listening to Nickelback? THIS IS HOW YOU REMIND ME that you’re a loser.

Also they’re bottom because I haven’t played them yet and therefore haven’t formed an opinion on them yet.

You’d enjoy Demon Hunters if: you’re a damn dirty thief, or you have some variation on the name Illidan reserved on your server, most likely with a lot of accents in it.

11: Mage

mageloses

A poor man’s Warlock, Mages are the inferior cloth caster. They’re pretty much only good for conjuring food, and even that tastes a bit like shame and desperation.

You’d enjoy Mages if: you excel at making bad choices in life.

10: Druid

druidlose

They can do everything! Yet I find myself unable to get along with Druids. Maybe it’s the fact you can’t see your awesome transmogs when shapeshifted? Maybe it’s the stupid Eclipse system? Maybe it’s the smell of wet fur? I dunno but Druids are kinda meh.

You’d enjoy Druids if: you’ve decided “jack of all trades, master of none” is your motto in life.

9: Death Knight

dklose

“I MUST INFLICT PAIN OR I WILL SUFFER PAIN MYSELF”

Jesus you sound like a bad ex boyfriend or a teenager or something. Go away.

You’d enjoy Death Knights if: you’re a fan of the cold, and you can get the name Arthas on your server. Preferably with numerous accented letters.

8: Paladin

disflexio

Paladins are like that person you had living in your house/dorm at the first year of university that didn’t partake in the whole “having fun” aspects of the experience, and spent their evenings tutting and sighing at all the antics all the fun people were having.

You’d enjoy Paladins if: the “judging you!” face is your default one, or if you’re a judge, what with all the hammers and judgements and whatnot. Human female, call yourself Judgejudy, take any talent that adds more hammers.

7: Priest

priestlose

You know, a lot of other classes can fall back on a different DPS spec when their favourite is rubbish, but if Shadow is rubbish and you don’t like healing? Tough luck! Okay, Monks and Paladins get this too, but Shadow Priests seem to have been bottom of the pile for… a LONG time now.

Their healing is fun though. The healing specs amount to “excel on meters because yay absorption shields” and “unused.”

You’d like Priests if: you feel lucky, punk.

6: Hunter

lixiubowjob

Honestly, I’d have put Hunters higher but as a Warlock, I’m exceedingly bitter/jealous that they can DPS on the move. They can prance around firing arrows, while I might as well be a mounted gun.

Admittedly a mounted gun that spews green flames, so I still get cool points.

You’d like Hunters ifrecent years featured a LOT of people in movies and games using bows & arrows, and you want to emulate them. Female Human, call her Katniss. Yes, with accents, everyone else is original like you too.

5: Rogue

rogue

You need one to unlock all those locked boxes you loot constantly, then when you make one, level them to max and open all the boxes, you’ll never loot another one again.

Also it’s fun to constantly Sap people on PvP servers.

You’d like Rogues if: given a choice between living in a fancy house or the sewers of a magic floating city, you choose the sewer every time.

4: Shaman

shaman

COMMAND THE ELEMENTAL FORCES OF AZEROTH. ALSO OUTLAND AND DRAENOR.

Keep trying to move while casting Lightning Bolt and interrupting it because you keep forgetting they can’t move while casting it any more, even though it’s been YEARS DAMMIT.

You’d like Shamans if: you can stand the idea of being the same class as Thrall.

3: Warrior

massive

Dual-wield 2 handed swords. That is all.

RIP Gladiator.

You’d like Warriors if: you have two two-handed swords you can wave around.

2: Monk

rude

Dedicate yourself to making your body a shrine to martial arts. Smash marble blocks to smithereens using only your powerful kicks. Achieve a zen-like state. Roll/Chi Torpedo/Flying Kick your way off many, many cliffs.

You’d like Monks if: you’re a big fan of old, badly dubbed martial arts films. “YOU… BRING DISHONOUR TO OUR FAMILY” *mouth still moving*

1: Warlock

"TA DAAAAAH"

Well duh. We bring damage, we bring healthy cookies and teleporter gates, we bring sexy demons (*looks at shirtless felguard*), and we’re not Mages.

You’d like Warlocks if: you’re the coolest person ever.

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2 thoughts on “Panda Steve’s OFFICIAL Class Rankings

    elkagorasa said:
    January 11, 2016 at 10:04 pm

    Thanks! This is the perfect guide for picking that class to boost to 100.

    Disco Inferno « Grimoires of Supremacy! said:
    April 11, 2016 at 2:21 pm

    […] a MAGE, fancy that. I’m playing a class some loser once described as the second worst in World of Warcraft. Thing is, I had never played as Fire before. Frost and […]

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