Oh let’s just pile right on into it shall we?
WREXHAM (predicted finish: 12th)
TWELFTH! Currently third in the league but with a game in hand over the teams around them, Wrexham are in the process of being taken over by Team Hollywood. They’re also one of the few Welsh teams that don’t play in the Welsh leagues, instead having joined the English league system proper in 1905, in the Birmingham and District League. The other Welsh teams in the English leagues are Cardiff, Merthyr Town, Newport, and Swansea. Of those, only Merthyr is currently lower than Wrexham in the divisions (and only by two leagues!).
They have lost a single time this season, and that was only narrow. They are the team to beat at the moment, and we’re a team in freefall. A “spirited defeat” in our last match is still a loss, it still stings!
They play balanced. We are going on the attack.
That said, the opening ten minutes give me several heart attacks.
Wrexham then equalise on 22 minutes, with an angled goal from far outside the penalty box, and follow up five minutes later with a third.
Two minutes into the second half, perennial underachiever Moses Emmanuel scores an absoute beauty, as the ball rebounds off the goalie directly onto his foot, and he makes no mistake. A saved shot from Parish sees the opposition goalie take advantage of us being out of position, as he pounds it forward to Wrexham’s striker, who is denied by the fingertips of Harry Isted, before Joseph Olowu smashes it away like it’s a grenade with the pin taken out. A corner saved by Isted, a fast redeployment, and saved at the other end within ten seconds. A bad tackle by Efete, a free kick just outside the box, a crucial save and clearance yet again.
And it ended?
You know what, I will fucking take that. We dropped them to fifth, we climb to fourteenth, we claw back a little bit of the morale we have been losing.
A good day of football.
BOREHAM WOOD (predicted finish: 10th)
A team that’s 17th. They have two wins, but also two losses, every other match is a draw. Drawing every game won’t win you trophies, but it might also not get you relegated either.
They tend to score from crosses, but also concede to them! It’s like ghost type pokemon being super effective versus other ghost types. Another catenaccio-using team, they play cautious and it hasn’t served them well so far. I mean, our tactics haven’t served US well either, but we’re on the up.
Aw, no cash injection for me! I mean, at least there’ll be stability and less pressure for immediate success, but a transfer budget of higher than £0 would have been lovely.
Okay, so conceding a goal in the dying embers of a match hurts. It aches, it is like a punch in the gut, or a stubbing of your toe. It’s wrenching, and it needs to stop. We’re now eight games without a win, and the losses have been by a one-goal margin, bar the 6-0 drubbing from Stevenage. In none of those games were we comprehensively outplayed, in fact some of them we had better opportunities to score!
We need to turn this around, and what better team to do that against than the one right at the bottom?
DAGENHAM & REDBRIDGE
(predicted finish: 5th)
FIFTH! They’re currently sitting in last place and they’re predicted FIFTH?!
They won on opening day, and from there slid gradually downhill. Their recent form is DLWLL, whereas ours is LLLDL, but our opening to the season was stronger. It’s an interesting match-up to say the least! A slight overachiever against a colossal underachiever.
Dagenham & Redbridge are the result of a merger between, unsurprisingly, Dagenham, and Redbridge Forest. The latter club was the result of an earlier merger between three clubs, Ilford, Leytonstone, and Walthamstow Avenue. They reached the highs of League One back for the 2010-11 season, but were relegated that same season back to League Two in 2017.
Bad at finishing! Well, we’ll make them look like Bayern Munich when we’re finished with them. NO, be more optimistic!
Oh my GOD we’re favourites to win a match! I shan’t let this go to my head.
You know, considering all the teams that merged to create this chimeric football team, I should get 4x the amount of points, right? Right?!
One amusing thing about Dag & Red is their goalkeeper:
Back in 2016, Forest Green Rovers fans devised a brilliant chant for this guy when they played Dag & Red, “You’re just a shit Tesco sandwich!”
Anyway, time to throw this mouldy sandwich away!
Oh this is good, this is the result we needed. Thanks, Dagenham!
YEOVIL (predicted finish: 3rd)
Another team that should be achieving more than they are, Yeovil are currently seventh in the league. Relegated from the Championship in 2014, then from League One the very next season, Yeovil are a club that has fallen on hard times. I’m hoping to make them a little harder!
They like to adopt an attacking control possession style, and generally play through the middle. They’re also a better team than us, so I am not expecting miracles here. If we can hold them at bay, I will be happy.
You know what? I’ll take that.
THE STATE OF THINGS
Our next three league games are against Altrincham (17th), Weymouth (22nd), and Aldershot (13th). All eminently beatable. We then go against an unknown team in the FA Trophy 3rd round, a competition we achieved our target for already, before we even entered the competition! A lack of desire.
Almost slap-bang in the middle here. Not bad for a bunch of relegation fodder!
The atmosphere is improving! Our cohestion is better than it was, but still bad. The players love me though. A strong influence over them! Respec’!