THE MIGHTY YOPAAT: A Day in the Life

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This post is me taking part in Z & Cinder’s Blog Challenge 20: A Day in the Life of Your Toon because for fuck’s sake I need to blog more often

The Mighty Yopaat, Farseer of the Earthen Ring

Has quite a ring to it, doesn’t it? It makes you think of power and dignity and other assorted stuff like that, right? Well let me tell you, I sure don’t feel it right now.

I seem to spend my time dogsbodying for that lazy mage Khadgar, performing meaningless errands for the disparate groups that pepper the Broken Isles, or babysitting so-called “champions,” telling them where to go and what to do. It seems the Kirin Tor are more interested in playing games with barrels than fighting the legion.

Let’s take today. I went to Aszuna. I freed some of those morose demon hunters and killed their captors. I picked some weird fel flower. I extracted murloc eyes from their heads and stole a hydra’s egg. I killed a ghost, which is surely impossible as they’re already dead. Another ghost gave me a box with nothing of interest inside. Tomorrow I may well end up in Val’sharah doing other pointless errands.

Ah, but you’re not here to hear me complain about my lot in life, are you? Yes, I do try and relax sometimes.

I spend a lot of time in The Legerdemain Lounge. They do the nicest coffee on Azeroth, you know. A rich, dark Kun-Lai roast, none of this icy Highmountain rubbish. I enjoy the kick, it gives me the spark I need to make my own brews. Not coffee, mind, but potions. See, in my spare time I indulge in a bit of alchemy. I refuse to pay those scalpers at the auction house for herbs, mind, so I go and pick my own. I’ve got quite the knowledge of herbs now, though I still occasionally disintegrate Starlight Rose. Fat furry fingers, you know?

The alchemy shop being opposite Like Clockwork is an annoyance though. Explosions and robots fighting day in, day out. At least I’m able to make potions without Deucus’s supervision.

I still see Thrall occasionally. He likes to ask me if I’m taking good care of Doomhammer. Haven’t the heart to tell him it’s collecting dust in the care of some goblins, along with Sharas’dal. Sure, hitting things with a hammer is somewhat cathartic, but I don’t want to fall into that trap of “if all you have is a hammer, every problem looks like a nail.” I much prefer to keep my distance, less chance of being bludgeoned myself, you know?

I don’t tend to socialise much. My fellow shamans tend to be rather stuffy and constantly in a state of elemental reverence, which is fine and all but take a break sometime, yeah? Not that other groups are better. The warlocks freak me out, the mages and paladins are full of themselves, the death knights and demon hunters are too… you know? Just too. Too much. And the druids? Worse than shaman! That said I do have a few friends I see every so often. There’s a warlock that seems less weird than the others, there’s a pretty cute monk I see meditating in Dalaran occasionally, and I know a rogue that opens locked boxes for me, and in return I give her potions. She’s got a missing eye too. Maybe I’ll ask her story one day?

Maybe not. She seems like that might be a sore point for her.

My eye? Oh it’s silly, really. You don’t wanna know.

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THE FIRE-BREATHING HORSE OF CAPITALISM

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Back when I was in school, I studied GCSE sociology, and when I went to college I studied it for A Level too. The study of society seemed like an interesting topic, moreso than the other options I had back then (so interesting were these other options, I don’t even remember them). Of course, there is a bit of a stigma with studying something like sociology, namely the “you didn’t want to study anything USEFUL?” one, which actually led to one of the biggest regrets of my life, when I chose to study accounting and economics at university (“they’ll be more useful in the future!”) rather than sociology, which I actually ENJOYED.

Anyway, this wasn’t to bitch about poor life choices, I have a story for you all. Gather round, children, and let me regale you with the tale of the fire-breathing horse of capitalism!

One of the topics we studied was the Marxist perspective of various aspects of society, and we were split into groups and tasked with making a poster about what the Marxist perspective of the education system was. Naturally, the other groups basically made a wall of text split into bullet points about various aspects of the Marxist ideology. My group?

We went high concept. We went ARTY.

We drew a building representing a school but resembling a factory, with humans going in one side and emerging as robots, who then filed into other factories to be put to work, representing the proletariat. We had this idea that schools taught them WHAT to think rather than HOW, reprogramming the proletariat into mindless drones (there are other methods Marxists identify that exert ideological control, usually involving the media or religion). This “product line” was overseen by an evil businessman with a briefcase and a large whip, representing the bourgeois. Any person that deviated from the lines filing into or out of the factories were set upon by a fearsome winged horse that breathed fire for some reason, the FIRE-BREATHING HORSE OF CAPITALISM. I guess it represents the police? Or some other force the bourgeois use to crush any sort of rebellious uprising.

Had we had more time, we’d probably have created a group underground of escapees, representing some burgeoning revolution, but sadly we only had half an hour and we spent a lot of that making the horse look fucking amazing.

Now, I know it all sounds OTT, but truth was, we just wanted to draw a winged fiery horse, and had to come up with a hasty justification for it. I think we were pretty successful.

I Believe I Can Fly

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She’s gone back to her classic Chun Li-esque look

So, a week or two after everyone else because I’ve been having too much fun elsewhere (Persona 5 mainly, but also just not on the Broken Shore), I’ve finally unlocked flying in the Broken Isles. Not only that, but I’ve had somewhat of a windfall, loot-wise. Yopaat now has a 905 Whispers in the Dark, probably the most game changer-y trinket casters have access to right now, and my god it’s a beautiful thing. Just that trinket alone made my sim DPS jump by roughly 30-40k, which is insane. Add to that the shiny new hat he got, the shaman legendary Uncertain Reminder, and now all Heroism-style effects last 75% longer on him.

Whereas you get to play with 40 seconds of godly superspeed, I get a whopping 1 minute and 10 seconds! It also pairs up well in Restoration, as during Heroism, their healing is 25% stronger. Oh, if only I actually used Restoration anymore…

You see, my OTHER character also has some pretty strong stuff. Lunchi, who I’ve had ever since monks were a thing, and who has been Windwalker all that time, has opted for a career change to Mistweaver. I’ve mentioned it a couple of times before, but then it was just a “Panda Steve messes around as a healer for gits & shiggles” whereas now, she’s got (normal) raid completions under her belt, two really powerful legendaries ( trousers for fistweaving, which I ADORE as a playstyle, and the Velen trinket), and a trinket that drops cake. She also recently got her 4 set bonus, which makes my Vivify spam even more potent.

Now that I have unlocked flying though, I’m more keen to play around on other alts. Muirisc the warrior and Fujikomine the rogue have been taken out for a spin recently, and I’ve even played as Shokei the warlock. You remember, the class I played as the most for like 8 years? Who has a talent that I named this blog after? You know the one.

likes to wear NOT MUCH

I may even bother to finish levelling Poundshopwig and Huomofa, my criminally neglected paladin and mage.

…but there’s world quests to do on literally EVERYBODY ELSE though!

The Way of the Monk

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Okay so being primarily a Shaman/Warlock player, you might think I am unqualified to be talking about what it means to be a Monk, but let me tell you, everyone refers to me as Grandmaster Lunchi, I’m wearing the clothes of a Grandmaster, and that wouldn’t be the case if I wasn’t a position of authority within the bigass turtle we all ride upon.

LOOK. SEE? Says it right there. Grandmaster.

So, given that I am the undisputed GRANDMASTER LUNCHI, isn’t it my duty to impart my wondrous wisdom upon you? To teach you the WAY OF THE MONK? Yes, I thought so, let’s begin.

  • Roll everywhere. There’s a talent that lets you Roll more. Use it. There’s a brew that makes Roll have no cooldown for an hour. Use that liberally. Travel at the speed of Roll.
  • Be careful when near cliff edges, especially if you are not a pandaren. Other races are not as Bouncy as us, and therefore cannot take the fall.
Sometimes even pandaren struggle if you fall off a cliff high enough.
  • Kick. Punch. It’s all in the mind. If you wanna test me, I’m sure you’ll find that the things I’ll teach ya is sure to beat ya, but nevertheless, you’ll get a lesson from teacher, now KICK.
KICK
KICK
  • It’s important to drink heavily when a monk. Whether it’s MAGICAL TEA that focuses your mind, deeply alcoholic brews that allow you to breathe fire or shrug off hits, or energy drinks to reinvigorate you, pick your poison and become one with it!
  • You know how they say “never work with animals or children”? Ignore that, you have a cat, bird or ox to befriend.
Yes, I blew a 3 minute cooldown just to get this picture. Twice.
  • JAB JAB UPLIFT oh wait that’s not a thing anymore.
  • Utilising your zoning abilities (hadoken, long-ranged normals et al) is very important in controlling the horizontal playfield. A common tactic is to throw a fireball, then use a shoryuken if the opponent jumps over it towards you. Experienced players may well bait the shoryuken followup out of you, leading to a massive punish combo if mistimed.
TENMA GOZANKU!
  • Try to remember some of the basics of CQC.
  • Flying Serpent Kick, if walking upon the wind is more your style, can be an even better launcher than mere rolling or Chi Torpedoing. Skim atop the surface of water! Rush towards your enemies at lightning speed! Plummet to your death off a cliff yet AGAIN!
  • Never use Roll, Chi Torpedo or Flying Serpent Kick when you’re on the Spine of Deathwing. Probably best to not use it where there’s Instant Death Water™ either, such as during the Krosus fight, or Gorefiend.
  • Expecting to need an expeditious retreat? Transcend space and time by mere meditation!
That basically means “you have a Demonic Circle-esque ability, fuckin’ use it”

There are, of course, many more aspects to the Way of the Monk, but I think that is all a beginner like you needs to handle for now.

And yes, this was an excuse to show off what Lunchi looks like. Seriously, that Grandmaster armour set (from the class hall) is bloody amazing-looking, and several of the Sheilun appearances look STUNNING with it.

THE BIGGEST PROBLEMS WITH LEGION

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Like, for real talk here, there’s some issues with Legion that I cannot get over until they are sorted out. SCATHING CRITICISMS. For instance:

FUMIGATION

Love is in the Air has the Vile Fumigator’s Mask, the most amazing piece of headgear in the game, yet it’s not a transmoggable item! MAKE IT COSMETIC! I want to run around in skimpy clothes and a motherfuckin’ gas mask, yo. Well, without hurting my stats anyway.

fumi

Maybe take away those tanks on the back too? Make a new item that’s the mask without the tanks, make it cosmetic so EVERY character can use it, and make me everyone happy!

KARGATH

Like seriously you need to drop the Bladefist NOW. I’m sick of visiting you every week.

bradufistu
The closest I’ve come is ctrl clicking it from the dungeon journal to open the dressing room

PANDAS

Unless you play a Monk, there’s a criminal shortage of pandaren. Huge amounts of humans or orcs, because of course there are, but where are my darling pandas?! Or gnomes for that matter. I would have said tauren too, but we have a whole zone of antlered tauren so they got it pretty sweet.

DEMON HUNTERS

This is mainly my problem as I have a frightening tendency to launch myself off cliffs with my monk. Give me a class that moves while attacking? Yeah I’m dead in a second. I’ll be swimming on Krosus for sure.

RUST IN PIECES
RUST IN PISCES

XE’RA

I’M
GONNA SWING
FROM THE CHANDELIER
FROM THE CHANDELIER

and hopefully it’ll fall to the ground and stop bothering me about Illidan, goodness me.

xera

Things You Do That Annoy Me, A Novice Monk Healer

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Hello, it’s me, Panda Steve, and recently I’ve been messing around with Lunchi. In particular, I’ve made her a healer now, because Mistweaver is very fun, and also because I can.

mweave

Here she is throwing out those hadokens or whatever.

Now, I’m a fairly novice healer, but I’ve been noticing some key areas where DPS and tanks can improve their play, because who better to give you advice on staying alive than the person keeping you alive?

I’m not just saying this to make my life easier. Honest.

(yes I’ve done a moaning novice healer post before, shut up I can do it again if I want)

  • In Halls of Valor, there’s lots of enemies that make lightning. You might want to NOT STAND IN THE LIGHTNING. Whether they’re tornadoes, or dragon breaths, or those lines of Crackle, just go away from them please.
  • Similarly, when fighting Fenryr, he may leap at you. Try not to be near other people or he puts the bleed on all of you and that’s just really annoying.
  • SPEAKING OF FENRYR! Please run away when he’s fixating on you, don’t just let him rip your face off.
  • SPEAKING OF (the trash before) FENRYR! Please don’t pick up ALL the wolves. They love to leap around and smack me random people, and they really can’t take too many of those before it’s unhealable.
  • Hide behind that BIG GLOWY SHIELD whenever Skovald does Ragnarok. I mean, you DO know what Ragnarok means, right?
  • Pull Hyrja to one side. Mein gott.
  • Don’t kill both the adds when facing Parjesh. You need to hide behind one of them so they get speared!
  • DON’T HIDE BEHIND ME WHEN HE’S THROWING SPEARS AT YOU.
  • Pop. The bloody. Bubble. On Deepbeard.
  • Ordinarily I’d moan about tanks running off way ahead, but shit I’m a monk, I’ve got movement for days.
  • Please use your mitigation. I assume it’s on your bars?
  • I’m questing as Windwalker, primarily because I kill things marginally quicker. When we enter a dungeon and I say “just changing spec, gimme a sec!” (I have that shit macroed), give me a sec. I need to drink for mana. If you’re skipping off merrily to engage enemies without your healer present, I hope you’ve got a Druid healthpool.

lunlun

I’m not a good healer, but I’m getting better. Healing’s just a side project for me, something fun to pass the time, but boy oh boy does it ever do that.

Love is in the Air

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And you know what that means.

TIME TO RUN THE EVENT DUNGEON HUNDREDS OF TIMES TO GET THE MOUNT THAT NEVER DROPS.

Aysa's upset that she has no big pink love rocket.
Aysa’s upset that she has no big pink love rocket.

Thanks to the fancy new dungeon scaling tech, you no longer need to be at/near max level to queue for this event dungeon. So long as you’re level 16 or higher, you can set yourself up for disappointment many times a day!

REJOICE as you tentatively log onto characters and classes you haven’t used since Warlords, or even Pandaria! BE CONFUSED as you figure out what the hell you press to make your druid actually do something. GRIMACE as you accidentally queue as healer when you’re in a DPS spec.

But more important than this mount? Yes, that’s right. It’s time for me to complain that the BEST-looking non-eyepatch headgear is still not classed as a cosmetic item, or even eligible for transmogrification.

JESUS CHRIST
Vile Fumigator’s Mask

FIX IT, BLIZZARD.