Enough Expository Banter!

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I’ve decided that I will title my blog posts with quotes made by Gilgamesh from Final Fantasy for the foreseeable future, because this is my blog and it entertains me to do so.

Let’s see how you handle the mighty me! And by me, I mean Gilgamesh!! And by handle, I mean DIE!

Gilgamesh is amazing.

World of Warcraft: To Do List

  • Heroic Uldir. We’re up to Zul at the moment. You know, for a raid that literally gets no introduction for the Alliance bar “some snake people briefly mention it during the war campaign and here’s a small cutscene” I’m actually really enjoying it! The bosses are varied and interesting, unlike Tomb of Stack the Fuck Up To Soak Shit and Antorus the Addsfest, and any dungeon that has even a trace of Old God in it is a 10/10 in my book.
  • Rep grind. I’ve only got Champions of Azeroth and the Tortollan Seekers to go, and rather than grind them out obsessively, I’ve found the best way to do it and actually keep my interest is to only bother grinding them when there’s an emissary for them. They get a big wedge of rep for the trouble, and I don’t feel like I am grinding too much.
  • Level the hunter. She’s at 117 at the moment. Again, it’s a case of taking it slowly, doing it gradually, rather than going all in, too hard, too fast, and getting burnt out or even BORED of the game.
  • MORE MYTHIC PLUS. I’ve barely done any dungeons this expansion. My gearing has come from raiding, world quests and warfronts, and while that’s great and I like how there’s a variety of ways to get the gear you want, I did a couple dungeons last week and I had a jolly old time. Sure, we didn’t get them done in time but I still had fun, and that’s what matters!
  • Level Porcelaine, because she’s goddamn awesome.

  • Like, as soon as I saw the bald hairstyle, I had to, I just had to.

Non-WoW Stuff

  • Soul Calibur 6, Red Dead Redemption 2 and Football Manager 2019 are all released in the coming weeks and threaten to eat up ALL MY TIME EVER.
  • Mercenary Ramza! He’s amazing!
  • I’m playing Civ 6 again, and I have to say Montezuma can still entirely go fuck himself.
  • Rahul in GBBO is too pure for this corrupt universe.
  • Pandas.
  • No, seriously, fuck you Montezuma. And while I’m here, Pedro and Wilhelmina too!
  • “See these weapons I picked up in the rift? They let me predict the weather: bullet showers and rocket storms!”
  • Trance Terra! QUAD CAST CHAOS FIRE! DESTROY ALL THE THINGS!

Panda Steve Stuff

  • Still gay as hell.
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THIS IS FAR FROM THE STRONGEST OF SWORDS

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Oops sorry, no swords here, but here we do have the finest hat. The best hat. The most… tentacular.

But all these fabulous fedoras, these stunning sombreros, this majestic millinery, these brilliant bowlers, they distract us from the most important thing.

Stealth follower missions are the biggest piles of shit in this entire expansion

Thanks for your time.


Oh, in other news, I’m going to give you some advice on the LFR fight MOTHER.

  • Nominate someone who knows the fight. Make them group leader so they can send raid alerts.
  • Tank in group 1, Other tank in group 5. Healer in each.
  • Send over groups one at a time from one room to the next. Wait until everyone’s healed, send in the next group.
  • Kill the adds.
  • DON’T all run into the second room at once. You’ll die.
  • DON’T keep MOTHER in the first room until it explodes. You’ll die.

Thanks for playing.

Oh, and bounce the ball on Zek’voz. If you don’t, you guessed it, you’ll die.

Official Ranking of the 24 EFL Championship Team Mascots

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With the wonderful news that my beloved Bolton won their match (an away match! Against a newly relegated team that are one of the favourites to win the division outright!) against West Brom yesterday came the news that the aforementioned opponents have a new mascot. A boiler.

They also have their other mascot but who the fuck cares because THERE’S A BOILER WITH LEGS RUNNING AROUND WEST BROM GAMES.

And so I looked into the other mascots of the Championship clubs, and then I decided to do this post. The definitive ranking of the mascots of the Championship. Because it’s Sunday and I can. Spoiler alert: there are a lot of cats.

24: Phoenix and Blue, Wigan Athletic

They would have been way higher up had they stuck with Stripey the Laticat:

However recently they changed to these soulless homunculi:

And so at the bottom they languish. I prefer nonhuman mascots as they’re less uncanny valley.

23: Captain Blade, Sheffield United

The whole dislike of the human-esque mascots is why Captain Blade is down here.

Sheffield United are The Blades, so I get the name, but why he’s a pirate I don’t know, considering Sheffield is miles and miles from the sea and thus has no maritime history.

22: Captain Canary, Norwich

He looks morose. That’s not the energy we need at a football match. The perils of a beak!

Definitely would sound like Eeyore from Winnie the Pooh.

21: Buzz and Buzzette, Brentford

I don’t know, there’s something… off… about them. Almost like they advertised jam until the 80’s…

I also don’t like the idea of bees with no wings. Let them fly freely, Brentford!

20: Scrumpy the Robin, Bristol City

Scrumpy is not a nice cider and is that a traffic cone on its face?

19: Ozzie Owl, Sheffield Wednesday

I mean if you can’t turn your head all the way around are you even trying?

18: Beau Brummie, Birmingham City

I’ll be honest here, the hugeness of his mouth terrifies me. A slight unhinging and he could eat me whole, and I’d be in his stomach like those weird soft vore pictures.

17: Vinny the Vogue, West Bromwich Albion

They still have their other mascot, Baggie Bird, but let’s be honest this is the one getting the headlines right now. And for good reason, it’s a fucking boiler.

 

A fucking BOILER.

16: Cyril the Swan, Swansea City

By virtue of a swan’s shape, he’s always gonna be looking downwards. By virtue of always looking downwards, he’s going to look miserable. Kinda fitting as Swansea got dumped out the Premier League last season, and DREADED RIVALS Cardiff went up!

Once got into a fight with Millwall’s mascot, ended up ripping his head off and kicking it around the pitch.

15: Spark the Cat, QPR

Used to be a black cat named Jude, but then they realised black cats were unlucky so they changed to this.

Looks like Bubsy the Bobcat and that’s never a good thing.

14: Rover the Dog, Blackburn Rovers

IS DOG. YAY DOG. PET THE DOG.

13: Hercules the Lion, Aston Villa

Hercules, Roman god, Greek version called Heracles, had a Disney movie made about him.

Looks like he could beat up James Woods, so that’s points in his favour.

12: Roary the Tiger, Hull City

First of two Roarys, Hull’s mascot looks kinda like a tiger version version of Nico from Grand Theft Auto 4.

No? Just me?

11: Roary the Lion, Middlesbrough

Looks genuinely pleased to be here, and I admire the enthusiasm.

10: Lofty the Lion, Bolton Wanderers

My team! You can tell I am not biased because they are not conveniently number one, so you know this is based on COLD HARD FACTS and not emotion.

The most ferocious-looking of the MANY MANY lions that seem to lurk in the Championship, yet also looks like he would stop mauling you to death to let you scritch under his chin. 10/10. would risk death again.

9: Sherwood the Bear, Nottingham Forest

Sherwood! Like Sherwood Forest from Robin Hood! Like the Sheriff of Nottingham! Forest! Bears! Disney!

Looks alarmingly like he’s bombed a boat here. Would have been MUCH lower down in the list if he still had that distressingly long nose the old version had.

8: Zampa the Lion, Millwall

Oh look another lion.

Eyes blue as the sky. A glorious mane. A posture that says “yes, come to me, I certainly shan’t MAUL YOU TO DEATH.”

7: Lucas the Kop Cat, Leeds United

Kop Cat like Top Cat? I don’t know, but he’s the cutest of the big cats. LOOKIT THAT ROUND FACE!

6: Kingsley the Lion, Reading

Look at him FLEX. This is a lion with CONFIDENCE and SWAGGER and a RECENTLY CUT MANE BY THE LOOKS OF IT. Would never set foot in Supercuts.

Only shops at Waitrose for the free coffee that MyWaitrose members get.

5: Deepdale Duck, Preston North End

Now that is a duck that knows he’s got it good.

Cool. Confident. Sophisticated. I bet he’s never even contemplated doing a dab.

4: Bluey McHorse, Ipswich Town

Would definitely trample the opposing team’s mascot beneath his powerful, mighty hooves. Bringing them down on their mangle bodies like Mike Tyson raining punches on his opponent.

Except hooves. On a horse.

3: Miller Bear, Rotherham United

:3

is bear

is best

is…

oh, it’s a dab.

2: Rammie the Ram, Derby County

Definitely one of the cutest mascots going. Look at that FACE!

Would also like you to paint him like one of your French girls.

1: Pottermus, Stoke City

Stoke City, known affectionately as The Potters, have a hippo as their mascot. Wait, what?

Stoke. Hippo? Potters… Hippo…

Hippopotamus. HippoPOTTERmus. Pottermus.

Frankly it’s that glorious level of punnery alone that should win you titles. Perhaps that’s why they’re favourites to win the Championship.

THEY COME

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The Old Gods are coming! The Old Gods are coming! THOQ FSSH N’ZOTH! ETH’RAZZQI WORG ZZ OU! A̭͍͕̦̠̭̿͌̓̆Q̣͚͎̭̤̣Ě̬̮̙̰̣̻͌V́̅ͮ̍ A̯̯̪̱ͥ̌̓͊̆ͪ̚Q̘̖̰̺͉̪̭͎ͫ̆̄͑͊̎E̜̘̲̱̮̘̯͇ͭ͑͊̎ͥ͒V̜͙̥͇̺̰̰̾͆ A͈̩̼͚̗͓̖͒Q̗̪̻͉ͫ͛͜͝E̴̢̥̲̻͎̦̞̣͐̿ͩ͌ͅV̧̛͓͇̄͡

I mean, probably.

Things I Love In The Prepatch So Far

  • 8.0 Demonology is honestly the best, most fun iteration of Demonology I have ever played! It combines the demon summoning of Legion (but cuts out the boring Demonic Empowerment spam) with the Molten Core gameplay of Mists (but cuts out the stupid Metamorphosis weaving) and honestly, it ends up being something just supremely fun and interesting! Plus, the chance to summon Prince Melchezaar is just lovely. Give me Jaraxxus too and I’ll never change spec again.
  • Sticking on the Warlock front, 8.0 Affliction is actually rather interesting too. Reap Souls has thankfully gone into the bin (sadly so has Soul Flame but we can’t have everything our way), and I enjoy the Deathbolt gameplay so far. Going back to a casted filler rather than a channelled one feels a bit better as well. No more do I feel like a bargain basement Shadow Priest.
  • STORY. MORE STORY. It’s not exactly going the way I’d like it to so far, but I am confident there’ll be some interesting twists and turns. REMEMBER PEOPLE, this is just the prologue to the expansion, there’s a shitload more stuff to come, and I fully expect some of it to be tentacular.
  • I like that Mistweaver Monk has the castable Soothing Mist back, and you can do instant Vivify/Enveloping Mist through it. Makes it a little different to other healers. Plus I love Fistweaving, and a few of their new talents gives that gameplay style a very tidy little boost. Can’t wait to test it out in a raid environment!
  • The anticipation everyone has for the new expansion. It’s so close!
Also I am enjoying levelling this minx up

Things I Hate In The Prepatch So Far

  • Something feels like it’s “missing” from Destruction. Probably the lack of fire-spewing portals from the artifact. I liked those.
  • “Your talents have been reset” nooooooo now I have to look things up!
  • I, like many, many others, am a little miffed at the events that have transpired in the story recently. Still, there’s another week to go, and I suspect the Alliance will get a satisfying retribution. For all the moaning that the Alliance is losing an important racial capital on Kalimdor, it’s important to remember the Horde are losing their only bastion on the Eastern Kingdoms too. Whether or not that is a like-for-like is up to you to decide, but this whole faction conflict does not seem entirely one-sided. Shame it has to be the Horde ACTING, and the Alliance REACTING yet again though.
  • Inxy, the lovely Goblin up there, is currently flying around the WoD zones, levelling via bonus areas and collecting treasures, and rocketing her way to level 100. Kinda wish that was viable in Legion content too. Powerlevel via exploration!
  • Sylvanas’s movie needed a sea shanty like Jaina’s. Yo ho ho and a bottle of plague, that sorta thing.

Revelation

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Having a laptop that’s capable of running graphical settings at higher than the lowest level means I can now make pretty, pretty pictures.

I can see where my time is going to be spent from now on. Searching high and low for the pretty things!

The Best Things About Legion

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I did the worst yesterday, here’s the best today!

Thal’kiel

Not just ol’ Skelly here, but all the talking weapons we got over Legion have buckets of personality, and I have hopes (slim as they are) that they’re allowed to be chatty when transmogged to in Battle for Azeroth too, even if it’s just their generic battle phrases (like when you use Call Dreadstalkers, Jack Skellington goes “RELEASE THE HOUNDS!”).

Warlocks

Warlocks get the best stuff.

Raiding

Every raid had its standout (in my opinion!) boss. Il’gynoth, Star Augur, Odyn, Maiden of Vigilance, Imonar. The fact we had a decent number of raids compared to Warlords was another triumph, and while I’m a tad bored of fel green, the general aesthetic of each raid this expansion was very strong thematically.

I’ll never get bored of Old God purple though. Just saying.

The Mage Tower

Those challenges were amazingly fun, at least for warlocks. The twins were frustrating without Sacrolash’s Dark Strike, but easy enough after that. The demon worm and his master was a challenging ask, making such an interrupt-heavy fight for a spec that ordinarily has no interrupt! Demonology had Sigryn and her cronies, which was a mechanically demanding fight but by far the most fun of the three.

Also no spec had Agatha, because fuck Agatha.

*hiss*

Cinematics

The cinematics were fantastic this time around, and I am confident they will only get better going forward.

But still, Ysera… *sob*

World Quests

I know, they’re repetitive, grindy, and frustrating for people who just can’t leave a single quest undone, they’re still an amazingly solid addition to the game, and mean that rather than be holed up in our garrisons like we were in Warlords, we’re still, even at this late stage of the expansion, flying around the world actually DOING stuff. Long may they continue.

Trilliax

Filthy, filthy, FILTHY!

Void Elves

Practically topless. Rippling abs! Solid pectorals! And that’s just the girls!

SOMETHING’S NOT QUITE RIGHT

AN ILLUSION! WHAT ARE YOU HIDING?!

The Worst Things About Legion

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Coven of Shivarra

Fuck your RNG bullshit. I used to like shivarra before this boss, but now my succubus shall stay a succubus out of sheer protest.

Ysera

FUCK YOU XAVIUS. YOU DESERVE EVERY DEATH PLAYERS HAVE UNLEASHED UPON YOU. STOMP YOUR FACE INTO THE GROUND UNTIL THERE IS NOTHING LEFT BUT MUSH.

Priests

Their campaign basically amounted to “SAVE US, PALADINS! HELP! WE’RE QUITE USELESS!” which is a bit of a disappointment really.

Warlocks

Warlocks are just too good and cool and awesome, it saps all the fun out of every other lesser class. Warlocks get all the best stuff!

Fishing

Ugh it was too easy to progress to max level, FISHING SHOULD TAKE YEARS yet I went from 700 to 800 in the space of an hour.

Khadgar

“Ah yes, remember that time I asked you for a ludicrous amount of Apexis crystals? Oh what larks we had! Ooh watch out for that Vrykul, he’s looking rather mean! Anyway yes, as I was saying…”

“LEAVE ME ALONE”

Ur’zul

Jesus fucking Christ what the shit.

Gul’dan

Hyped up to be the main villain of Legion, yet we offed him really early on. Still, it feels as good to beat him as it did to beat Xavius. THIS IS FOR VARIAN/YSERA etc.

Demon Hunters

“I’VE SACRIFICED EVERYTHING, WHAT HAVE YOU GIVEN?” oh honey have you seen the amount I cast Life Tap? Plus, you’ve been asleep in a vault for years and years napping. I had to build a garrison with my bare hands, damn you.