Shadowlands Covenants, Ranked!

It has been such a long time since I last wrote something here (July?!), and a lot has happened!

• I didn’t go on holiday!
• I caught the dreaded coronavirus!
• I got banned off Twitter for 2+ weeks! For merely mentioning covid!
• I lost my writing mojo! I just couldn’t bring myself to do it!
• Opinions are hard!
• Help!

Such larks we had! We also got a cat, he’s called Muffin and he’s adorable. He’s also not why we’re here. Today, I am ranking the four Shadowlands covenants that you can join, based on a nebulous, ever-shifting criteria that will only make sense to me!

And so, to THE WORST:

4: NIGHT FAE

These fairies suck. The tree people are nightmarish. Too many worms. Ugh the Drust are back? They were boring the last time around! Mists of Tirna Scithe is a shit dungeon! I hated the ability I got! YOU TOOK URSOC AWAY FROM US YOU BASTARDS I HATE YOU SO MUCH!

Um, sorry about that.

3: KYRIAN

Yes, it’s the cast of the video for One More Time by Daft Punk. See also: Blue Man Group, Tobias when painted blue in Arrested Development, Avatar, or the song Blue by Eiffel 65.

I dunno, I just found Bastion a major slog, and while there were elements of the Kyrians themselves I liked, I found myself liking the others far more.

2: NECROLORDS

I admit that before I actually played through the expansion, Maldraxxus looked a bit bleak and boring, and I was dreading having to go there. Then, everyone there turned out to be rock & roll zombies, Marileth and Kevin are general high points of the expansion itself, and I just generally had a good ol’ time! Appearing there and immediately participating in a massive colosseum brawl was a fantastic start to what turned out to be a fantastic place!

1: VENTHYR

But they’re not party vampires, are they?

Okay, so I fell in love with the Venthyr when Afterlives: Revendreth came out. Vampires, decadence, the concept of redemption for one’s sins, the fact that Revendreth kinda has Darkest Dungeon vibes, it’s all a tick in the box for me. I enjoyed the characters there far more than the others, I enjoy throwing parties at the Ember Court, and Door of Shadows is awesome-looking! MELT INTO BLOOD AND REAPPEAR! It’s a shame the covenant ability absolutely sucks ass for warlocks, but I am sure they’ll buff it eventually?

Right?

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