Hello there. Let’s get straight into it.

  1. when someone on a competitive reality TV show is odious enough to be Designated Villain. Now obviously, this is usually as a result of editing and whatnot to make said person come across as bad, because every show needs a villain (yes, even nice fluffy baking shows need that one person who’s there to WIN and not MAKE FRIENDS and will TELL EVERYONE THIS OFTEN), but I don’t care, I buy into it every time. If I could get a t-shirt with the villain’s face on in a circle with a red line through it, I would. Every time they say something like “I know what food kids like, they like NATURAL ingredients and NOT SUGAR” and then the child goes “ugh this beetroot cake tastes like dirt and unhappiness” I get that same sort of sensation as I do when I eat a creme egg.
  2. when people fall over. Honestly, don’t tell me about the time you slipped on a chip and fell over in a supermarket because I will absolutely die of laughter.
  3. the cold. Bye bye summer, HELLO GLORIOUS FROST.
  4. when local newspapers/websites publish stories of ANGRY RESIDENTS being mad at things, especially if they have photos of them too. Here’s a po-faced woman and her child with terrible hair, mad at the fact that he got put in isolation for his “extreme haircut”! Here’s an angry woman complaining about the pot hole that’s been in the road for TWO YEARS! Man holding phone bill for £86,702 sent to him by mistake! Mum horrified as cafe owner denies her son use of the loo unless she buys something, a policy that is mentioned on a poster in the window AND behind the till AND in front of it too for good measure, AND there are free public toilets 2 minutes walk away!
  5. the Thunderpuss remix of It’s Not Right But It’s Okay by Whitney Houston.
  6. seeing pictures of old 90’s fashions. Anneka Rice in those shell suits on Challenge Anneka or Treasure Hunt! Literally anything ever worn on Clarissa Explains It All! The sorta blond curtain hair that at least one member of every boyband had! Denim everywhere!
  7. when people I like do well. Yes, you!

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